I knew I was always separated from God, always knew it, but it was really during my highest periods of fame in the public eye that I really became aware of it….I began to sense deeply that there was something missing but was so busy with 'Iife' I'd keep pushing the aching aside and instead would replace it with various ways to fill the void like work, alcohol, relationships, shopping fits, more work, more alcohol, more more more, .... but the gnawing emptiness inside wasn't leaving me and as I looked around me I saw superficial, surface and wanting. The industry I was in, was lurching into an ever deepening pit of self preservation at the expense of losing its dignity and honesty, and money and lust for power, was its god..., that’s when I truly began searching for answers. I know deep down that everyone eventually comes to ask those questions... Why am I here? Where am I going and why? Why’s the world such a mess? Why the pain? And where shall it all end type questions...
And so I started. I sought out almost every known spiritual source from buddhism, ecologist-ics, I read indian guru’s books, Louise Hay material, I practiced new age arts, read many eastern philosophies, bought crystals and did seminars... but I never once experienced the presence or the true peace of God, neither did I have reassurance for my questions...or peace... I felt sad inside and lonely, but on the outside I hid behind a smile.
I finally arrived to my marriage failing… and I was truly ashamed, insecurity crowded around me, and then guilt set in. I tried to rally but was out of my depth in lawyers and accountants and men in suits, who can I trust I was asking myself over and over?
Sadly, over time I became sick. With panic attacks, fear my companion, It felt crazy and I felt like a freak.. all that the world and its establishment had asked of me I had achieved…financial security, recognition, career achievements, but there was no peace or satisfaction, rather confusion and unanswered questions. Sick, I was unable to leave my home, or bed, and I remembered one evening asking my dear mum, if we had a Bible…
I never knew anything much about the Christian faith, had heard little about Jesus only as a child, and remembered thinking, well, I have exhausted everywhere else in my search for Truth, and in the entire journey had never experienced the presence of God. That night, in absolute desperation, I opened the Holy Bible.. this is the part of my story where I just say, 'Lord, if I'm ever doing interviews, what should I say?' People are going to say what's she on y'know! , nevertheless, it's what happened. I can recall an extraordinary experience after I lay the book down, something like a breeze.., a warm peace flooded through my body, lasting minutes... I lay totally in a gorgeous peace... sincerely..,I knew I had had a God Encounter, and I finally knew my answers were to be connected within that book somehow.
This new Album then, has come though a story, a true story of searching, and loss, wonder and faith. My christian life began only nine years ago, but what an amazing & exciting 9 years. I asked the Lord to take me and make me His, to clean me and forgive me of all the mistakes I’d made, to teach me & change me, I love Him and I am His, I have chosen to devote my life to God for my faith defines who I am.
..... All the songs I have written were inspired by conversations I have had through prayer, or scriptures, life situations, precious family and friendships, the good times and the bad,..The title track of the album , ‘Running Back to You’...is taken from ‘The Prodigal Son’ story... It’s kinda my story, I was the prodigal son/daughter, and the world had come upon me with all it’s attractions, distractions and deceptions. It was sucking me in..., I thought I was in control, but I realised I was being controlled.... and it wasn’t until I stopped that I found peace and purpose and meaning..., I found a greater love.... I really do want to live in a way that will hopefully legitimize the message of Christ.. and share the love of God, The Father, has for us all as we begin to come home. Nobody is left out of God’s Kingdom, not one; everyone has something to offer to another, absolutely everyone.
He has a plan for you, and me and it is perfect because He is perfect. And you and I were never meant to live this life alone or separate from His Loving Hand. He rocks, He reigns He rules!
In some ways this is a hard piece to write for me as it is about a very personal experience of my own life and because of it I am closely conscious of this fine line I walk as a music artist publicly and a woman of faith. My desire to make known the One I serve above and beyond anything can lead me into areas that can be misconstrued by many and if you knew me well you would know I have a constant conversation within myself as to where and what I can take myself bringing God the fame and where not! - its a journey indeed!
I struggle with photos, I never sign my CD’s, (Jesus is the name above all names) I am just too aware of the right or wrong side of motive and how easy it is to put yourself up as somebody when in truth all I am is a singer songwriter developing and striving for the excellent way. In our accountability of our occupations we seem to be moving further and further away from right motives which is sad as inside accountability there is freedom! I have listened to many opinions on fame, and listened to many great n talented artists like Lennon, M J, Queen, Nirvana, Marley, Coldplay, Robbie Williams, all sing and confess to be seeking after a higher attainment, a peace, a hope, something thats missing even in the midst of their fame.
Having been publicly recognized through music before becoming a Christian and now as a Christian I can honestly say there is no comparison - none! For the motives are worlds apart - one is sadly driven by self, self exalting, get a load of this! the other by an incredible discovery of gratefulness in finding the Saviour and the passion to share Him with others, your music is filled with the knowledge of finding the CREATOR! - thats immense for it has a creativeness you never had before because it never belonged to you and its motive is driven differently. Fame is about just whose glory you want to show - I choose life!
Remarkably, fame and celebritism seems to have become this centuries new and chased after
career! I recently asked a little 8 year old at the home of a friends house what if any thing she
hoped to grow up to do and she replied,
’ O, I know what I want to be yes!’
‘ Great I said, what would you like to be’
‘ Famous¨ she said
‘ Oh, thats interesting, famous for what exactly? Swimming, poetry, art, sport, what do you have in mind to become famous for? ´
O silly, I just want to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee famous ….’ She stressed the BE long and loud!
My friend quietly whispered to me to close my mouth as my chin had hit the floor!
Fame for fames sake ouch! I drove home troubled. To be a celebrity for celebrities sake? Is artificialism gaining dominion! It really wasn’t that a child was not yet clear about her future capabilities, no, what grieved me was the fact that there was no discovery in the hope of being celebrated for something more purposeful just a desire for public exposure and in one so young!
Increasingly we see this fame culture soaking the western world. Through high levels of media exposure giving instant access to any and everything desired, reality shows, X factor, Face-book, Tweets, iPhone, fruit phones! ….Is anyone else seeing an underlying pattern tucked away in the movement of this eras technological communications explosion that seems to be saying ….
I need to be known and I can be known and I need to be liked and I can be liked and recognition is the way to it! -
Face-book says: Like me! Like me! Add me! Add me to your friends, Friends, I need friends, How many do you have? - Find friends, Build my profile, Watch me! Tweet me! Blog me. Connect with ME ME ME! Status me! Listen to me, I need to be known, Me, myself and I - all a part of instant world recognition at a button.
Somewhere along this century a belief exploded that points to fame equalling something that can and ought to be had, why? Perhaps because what matters outside has become far more favorable a trophy than who you are inside and surely that comes from a deep inner identity lack, an emptiness that seeks to be filled and sought after through fame.
`Yazz, unlike you, fame and recognition will bring me happiness´ one individual told me
at a recent women's high profile meeting, ‘its a shame it couldn’t give that to you but I know it
will bring me that sense of fulfillment and happiness I long for!’
‘O I see, mmm, well tell me just what is it that is missing in your life’ I asked
‘O, just everything’ she replied, ‘my sex life is abysmal, my bank account too but I am on route to be handpicked for a recognizable job that will launch me into a whole new life!
Wow! Handpicked, recognized and with a whole new life …
Sounds almost like the Gospel to me…!
I am convinced she will not find any of those things in her new position. Great Jobs, or worldly recognition, a whole new life isn’t going to do it for you, its not going to fill the void and its not going to bring it on the way you hope for - you have to have a change of heart! not of job, car, holiday, house, lover change…! These things of themselves will not fill the void, they may last for a while but that deep thirst that is within all of humanities lives is there because we are separated from God through our own messy sin and for a while chasing the new ‘fame’ game may appear to fill the void but eventually we find there is only one who can fill the deep places of our hearts and the thirst in them.
Fame builds a fake reality through and through.
Friends, in response to your questions please understand these are only my opinions I can only comment on what happened to me and my own investigations particularly in looking back at history. Both concurred to me that fame does not equal happiness, neither does it succeed in giving you a true and personal sense of identity to self. In fact it makes you selfish! It may or may not improve your bank balance or your sex life but fame cannot sustain either - famous men and women for centuries have lost their heads, hearts, wars, money and lives to fames vitriolic fingers. Through various deceitful tactics of many, and sadly as we have all recently read, fame can and does kill.
Recognition - public adoration - hero worship - constant affection - maybe more money - a possible better sex life - higher levels of pleasure - Prestige - Attention - Power - Access - Significance -
It seems that fame and drawing happiness is dependent on circumstances and keeping a tight and
busy control of them -
I remember that well! - Of course the only problem is that when the circumstances change then you got real identity problems and circumstances are always changing!
Your next release doesn`t make top 20 -
Your dropped from the show, the first team, the top spot, the relationship Your too old, Your overthrown, voted out, Your just no longer adored
The list is endless
So then what happens. Self esteem shifts - self doubt escalates - trust issues ensue - insecurity levels increase - pills begin - alcohol joins in - food binges, drugs enter stage - Why? Because what you had put your faith in is suddenly turning ugly, gone or no longer firm ground.
This isn’t a new thing! Its age old - In the Bible there are countless examples of famous men and
women who fell from fame. One such was a man named Saul, an envious man who was an
incredible King. He saw a young youth gaining attention over himself - the crowds began to love
the youth more and his own fame was receding - he was so distraught he planned to kill the youth
Fame like any addiction can kill.
The young man grew up and became a King and was so liked, loved and famous that he believed for a moment he had the whole world at his feet and that he could do anything….
Fame deceives you.
For me it took discovering a relationship with Jesus Christ where I began to discover some
profound lessons that would begin to open my eyes …
The Bible began to show me that God the Fathers relationship to His children, His plans, and purposes for them in a parental development sense would blow my mind!
I found it clear that the first early stages of growing up, and who or where or in which culture you are clearly begin to shape you and your opinion of your true self identity but when I learnt that all of humanity had fallen from Gods desired plan for our lives through disobedience right at the very beginning of creation, well things began to make more sense to me. With our connection with God disconnected our deep spiritual identity with God was no longer active, we were in effect dead in our spiritual side and reliant not upon the truths of God and His parental plans for us but upon other forces.
I slowly began to see why I would look for who I was in other peoples lives, ideas or thoughts for my own identity. Why I would make mistake after mistake striving with all my own strength not to but repeatedly doing it anyway!….why there was suffering, brokenness and a sort of spiral downwards generation after generation...I saw that being separated from God through our sinful selves was shifting our focus onto other gods for identity, things like relationships, work, money, sex, material grabs, alcohol, power, position, facebook! All of which shapes communities, societies countries being dependent on ourselves and no-longer in connection with the One who made us, who gave us this gorgeous creation and so passionately desires for us to be in union with Him again.
Thank God for Jesus Christ! the Apostle Paul said - Romans 7: 25 -
FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON THAT WHOEVER
BELIEVES HIM HIM SHALL NOT DIE BUT RECEIVE EVERLASTING LIFE! JOHN 3:16
To me its like a broken seal - we were made to be sealed in the God and creator of this world and at the beginning the seal was broken and all the goodness flooded out and all the bad entered in affecting everything and everyone -
God has made a way to bring us into a truly loving and staggering identity with Him once again! - A
way that is offered to each and everyone in the world. This is the good news - this is Jesus Christ -
This Is LOVE
THIS IS LOVE IN THAT WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS CHRIST DIED FOR US -
So, I believe that when we are sealed and saved by the grace of God through Jesus we begin to establish our new lives and identities that are firm, good, strong, moral and loving and that change our lives and the lives of others shaping and bettering the world for good! The fame we once chased is no-longer an issue because we have found our Makers recognition to us and it is more than enough in fact it becomes so overwhelming that it is His fame that you want acknowledged!
The good news of Christ coming and offering us salvation in Himself provides insight into the
process of what sealing a child is. The heavenly Father seals all His children.
From Scripture we see…
In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, (Ephesians 1:13).
Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us in
God also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30).
The wonderful sealing of the Spirit of God has a purpose: to secure and protect us for the day of redemption – that is when we are with the Lord forever - our future hope. The Holy Spirit seal is the influence of the heavenly Father and the Son Jesus. The promise of the Holy Spirit is a gift to us so that we might come to learn about both the Father and the Son and so experience eternal life.
Guides us (John 16:13)
But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth; for He will not speak on His own initiative, but whatever He hears, He will speak; and He will disclose to you what is to come.
Helps us (John 14:16)
I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
Teaches us (John 14:26)
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.
convicts us of sin, righteousness, and judgment (John 16:8-11),
and fills us with the presence of Christ (John 14:17-21).
Plus, from the Holy Spirit's side, we can learn how to seal our own children helping them, guiding
them, disciplining them etc …
It is truly amazing how important our first relationships are and how they can shape our lives. The
power or treasure they can offer to you or not.
Would your life be different today if your father had done with you what the Heavenly Father above has done? I know mine would! If your father did or didn't seal you as it where and lead you to your identity in Christ, why did he or didn't he?
The answer lies with his father–either his earthly father or his spiritual father. If you think of your father as a son of his father, you may realize his father didn't know to seal him or teach him about these identity principles. Perhaps, when he became your father he didn't know what to do. It wasn't that he didn't love you, he just didn't know. He did the best he could with what he had. Perhaps he was still searching for his identity when you came along and left you to do the same.
I've met many men and women who’ve told me that they need to release their dads and forgive them. For years they have held bitterness and unforgiveness in their hearts due to abandonment, neglect, and hurt. In an effort to fill the void in their souls, they made foolish decisions as they sought to identify with people who ultimately couldn't fill their emptiness – in many cases leading them into destructive ways. Being separated from Fathers on earth and our heavenly Father begins to shape us negatively indeed! - It was never Gods plan. Will you turn your heart to God through Jesus Christ who will seal you in Himself and give you back your true identity in Him. I was not separated from my Dad, I loved him but I wasn't really affirmed by my father in the ways our heavenly Father wants us all to be.
Trusting your life in God becomes our identification in Him, I am so happy to be defined by Christ and my faith in him - I am finding who I am and what is my purpose and enjoying all that God has given and gives to me on a continuous basis! Its mysterious, challenging and incredibly satisfying but always there is a peace inside - a knowing that I am forgiven am His and I belong.
FROM FAME TO FREEDOM IS YOURS!
Thanks for listening …
... ‘ I am absolutely thrilled to announce that the new album is now released! Plus really very excited at great response so far! Am really looking forward to performing the new songs live this year too, there is a whole new, fragile and at the same time Impactful dynamic that happens live that studio recording cannot always capture. Its just so real, once sung, once played the note is gone, its out there! cannot be tweaked or made better like in a recording studio, its free to do what ever God wants to do with it -
I love that!’
.. its about Love...its about God..its about People...
Over the last year I have met and listened to some remarkable people, visited unusual
places all of which became a part of writing messages on what is love, where does it come
from and finding that connection in music to the soul of a person which is such a part of
Gods love and grace to me, it is an outrageous Grace that I wanted to capture in melody.
Whilst visiting a Prison in Northern Ireland I was challenged in spaces I was never aware I
had within me - Walking in I was questioning myself in which way I could possibly identify
in these peoples situations, their levels of frustration..
I realized I really couldnʼt understand experientially and I had never felt so overwhelmingly
Then I was reminded of the first time I looked at my minutes old baby held so fragile in my
arms and that same deep sense of wanting to connect with something that was so
overwhelming ... In that thought I was touched through by my faith as I remembered the
new birth .. the new hope .. the new life beginnings that I had found in Christ in the
middle of my totally inadequate messy life and the fantastic gift of grace that He offered to
me. Somehow I now knew that was what I could sing and talk about in this situation! -
The Father showed me that before HIM we are all, everyone, absolutely everyone, fallen,
imperfect people and that equalizes you to everyone doesn´t it! Only God can do that!
The track ʻ Love Soldiersʼ speaks a bit about that...
It was an incredible experience sharing and meeting men and hearing their stories and
being able to offer something of Hope that is found in the grace and love offered us in
Christ and the choice to walk a different road - a narrow Road - and find a peace with God
and thereafter, ourselves.
Mistakes all have a price, some men agreed. You do something wrong, something thats
against the law, yes, there must be a rule that teaches you whatʼs right and wrong and
punishment is made, but chatting to some inmates I was disturbed by the repetition of
crimes that they were doing, some had been back over 6 times! Sheer will power was
not working. It only gets you so far But, right there running directly alongside their tracks I
saw this great hope of God.
He alone, can open the eyes of your heart in-order to find a true and lasting
staggering change. This experience inspired me to write Narrow Road and cover the
song ʻ PEOPLE GET READYʼ ( there´s a train coming) and the different track you can find.
The Son of God came and paid the price for the punishment of our errors, Jesus paid the
ticket - he took it all because God said I will show my love in that while people are far from
me, messing up, struggling or repeating error after error, I sent my Son to die for them and
to reconcile people back to me and bring change! ...
So, the album THIS IS LOVE...
its about love ...its about God ...its about People !
Anyone who trusts in Him shall never be put to shame. Romans; 9; verse 11
Where do you stand?..are you standing?!.... I came into the love of God limping...most people do...perhaps because its easier to get down on your knees when your a little lower...…
I Believe that when Jesus, the Son of God died…
Your world and mine changed forever. He came here for a purpose, and He fulfilled it.
HE came to save you and me from ourselves
What does that mean?
It means He came here to die and to die an extreme, punishing, and yet new life giving, prophesy fulfilling, death…
Imagine you can see a great divide and on one side is yourself and on the other side is GOD,and heaven and the reason there is a divide is because of what has come between you and God, and that is called sin; that's all the stuff that misses the mark for God, and its all there accumulated in your heart.
And looking around, you see that there’s no bridge to get across to the other side, just a massive divide, but deep in your innermost being you hope that there’s a way over…. a way so that you could no longer be separated from your heavenly Father.
Well, there is a way across, only one way, and that way is through Jesus Christ, His Son. He is the blessed bridge that crosses the chasm, it has been done and it has been done for you and for me and for anyone who believes in Jesus.
A sacrifice had to be made, in order for us to go free, a price had to be paid. Remember God is a Holy God, He cannot allow sin to enter His presence because He is too Glorious and Holy, same with heaven. God planned the way of bridging that gap, to have a sacrifice made for your life and mine..,because of Love. When Jesus Christ died on the Cross and rose from the grave, He paid the penalty for your sins and mine. The BIBLE says... "He personally carried the load of our sins in his own body when he died on the cross..." 1 Peter 2:24
To be COMPLETELY freed from all our guilt and shame our accumulated sins…stuff we regretted doing, words we’ve regretted saying, hurts that we’ve carried and acts we’ve regretted , those things that have kept us separated from GOD well, Jesus came to make that change. He came to put you and me back together with our Father, God.
Simple, BECAUSE GOD LOVES, IS LOVE, GIVES LOVE.
His Words say:
God so LOVED the world that He gave His One and Only Son, that who ever believes in Him, will never perish but have a life everlasting.. John;3; verse 16. And Only Jesus Christ could make that a reality.
Because Jesus was and is the Son of God, completely pure, completely clean, completely holy and WITHOUT sin for He was God in human form. He came and humbled Himself, bursting into this world to show such a wondrous love, in a way that we just can’t do, Jesus loves completely and wholly unconditionally, beautifully, and indiscriminately. And He Loves You.
I know it because I personally have experienced its result… as have thousands before me,
HE IS and always will be MAGNIFICENT.
“Look at me. I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you. Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father. That's my gift to the conquerors! Rev 3;20 . The message bible
The "prayer of salvation" is the most important prayer we'll ever pray. When we're ready to become a Christian, we're ready to have our first real conversation with God, and these are its components:
So, when we pray, asking God for the gift of salvation, we're exercising our free will to acknowledge that we believe in Him
That demonstration of faith pleases God, because we have freely chosen to know Him.
Prayer of Salvation - When we pray the prayer of salvation, we're admitting that we've sinned. As the Bible says of everyone, save Christ alone: "For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
Do you agree with everything you have read so far? If you do, don't wait a moment longer to start your new life in Jesus Christ. Pray this with us:
• " Father, I know that I have broken your ways and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen."
If you've prayed this prayer of salvation with true conviction and heart, you are now a follower of Jesus. This is a fact, whether or not you feel any different. Religious systems may have led you to believe that you should feel something - a warm glow, a tingle, or some other mystical experience. The fact is, you may, or you may not. If you have prayed the prayer of salvation and meant it, you are now a follower of Jesus. The Bible tells us that your eternal salvation is secure! "that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9)
Welcome to the family of God! I really encourage you to find a local church, ask for a bible and begin to grow in the knowledge of and family of God and talk to someone about the decision you have made! Please contact us for any help.
Why so Many Crying? - Turn this Way
My heart speaks
For heart thoughts are the best, the best for you.., And only the best for you, for you…
Father, why was Christ chosen? - To lay down his life
Oh, Father, Father…, Why’d He give this gift for me? - Salvation, salvation
Then why have we forgot His love
Never, ever, ever Ending…, Love
Oh, Father, Father
Why so many crying - Humanity’s just stopped listening to me
Oh, help us Father.., What’s happening is prophesied - Child I’m crying, I’m crying…
Father, I see terror and destructions, guns n’ drugs; corporate corruption
No one’s listening just resisting u, injustice keeps on winning through
Too busy in the lie/ Won’t you tell me why
We’re caught up in the me, myself and I
There’s No respect, no morality....TV’s soaked in sensuality…
There’s no excuse for lusts abuse...
That’s why my heart speaks for the truth and these are just some signs of the times…
lyrics taken from My heart speaks
A lot of people I have met that have talked to me about God, tend to share their feelings and opinions as though God had none.., they view the problems and sufferings that are happening in this world as His fault, blaming Him for negligence. If that’s the case, and God is negligent, should that not make us aware of our own involvement in this world and of it’s pain and sufferings?
I do not agree that God is negligent, how can I when we all encounter miracles daily.., the colour - the glorious colour of creation, the whisper of wind, the cherished laugh of a child, the creation of the human being..., Life attacks us and we can become buried under a sea of confusion, despair and forget to see the everyday extraordinaries that surround us..,
Upon getting to know the Father’s heart through His word, I have come to recognise, a very loving, caring and sacrificial, Holy, Just and Faithful Father.., Who feels and weeps and grieves alongside all of us, and has burst into this world through his son Jesus,. I believe that when God sent his son to die for us it was precisely because His love and heart for the world was so immense and desperate that he was willing to sacrifice His son.., His Only Son The world view as I understand, is the opposite, don’t make any sacrifices for anyone - achieve more for yourself, work harder for yourself, and you are loved because your car is right, your child is bright, your god is cool, your perfume image fits, your teeth are right, your job position is recognised, your status fits, you are famous, you are the right size, you look great, you’re in control.., The worlds constant magnetic pull is towards you and safe-guarding yourself. Meanwhile God says I love you despite all your weaknesses, despite all your failures. The world seems to hold a reward and punishment view, if you don’t fit in your punished..., God’s love is not based upon that.., God’s love includes, not excludes.., It is for you, not against you.., You can't earn it, or buy it, or achieve it.., God simply is love and it is constant.., we could never be good enough to deserve such love, it is a gift given through a choice, a choice for Christ. Christ is the face of God’s love, Christ is the name of God’s love..,
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